Mr Mystery himself, Derek Gaffer took a little time out of his controversy-seeking schedule to answer a few questions for us...

    * Your recent NT Match reports have caused no end of friction on the forum, is it your intention to upset people?

No, no, no. I’m not out to upset anyone, quite the contrary in fact. Far too many posters over on the forum are afraid to voice their real opinions because they fear the backlash from the sheep, they fear that they will be outcast from the circle of trust because of their “controversial” views (C-town anyone?) We can’t be having that. The NT results aren’t CB’s results... they are OUR results... and I intend to be the conscience of the Irish NT.

    * The TM Website has been putting together match reports for over a year, why did you only want to start writing them now?

I have been an avid reader of the NT reviews since the sites conception and while well written pieces of text, they all seem to have a notoriously biased trend. They are not journalism, they are merely one sided reviews. “Well we lost 6-0 but we can take lots of positives from the game. Onwards and upwards lads. Let’s see how far we can shove our brown noses up the NT coaches arse.” As committed as the contributors to the site are, they have been a bunch of yes men. The reading public deserve the truth. They deserve an impartial voice. They deserve Derek Gaffer.

    * So who is Derek Gaffer (if that is your real name…)?

Derek Gaffer is an old withered husk of a man. He has been there, done that and most definitely has the T-shirt. He also likes long walks on the beach.

    * Why the use of a pseudonym?

I want to give unbiased reports and I want the public to read my reports as unbiased pieces of journalism. If they knew my identity their opinion on my work would be clouded depending on the level of respect they have for me. And yes, it is all respect before you ask. :)  

    * Is there anything that the NC is doing right?

Yes. He is being open minded when he makes mistakes which is honourable, but unfortunately he has yet to take criticism constructively. Too many school boy errors have been hampering his reign, especially for a coach of his quality. He has a fine history in the Irish leagues, but history means nothing for the NT if he can’t produce the goods come each Saturday evening. He has shown glimpses that he is up to the task but the jury is still out I’m afraid.

    * What do you hope to achieve with your match reports?

I want to give the Irish TM public an outlet for their frustrations and I want to attract the coach’s attention to the mistakes he is making. Nothing more, nothing less.

    * Are you going to be writing for Wolfie’s site or not?

He has approached me twice privately to write for his site. I was flattered of course but his site just isn’t up to the standard you and the boys have set here Mr Cojones. I won’t rule out writing for him completely, but put it this way... Would you leave a high profile job writing for the Irish Times to go and write for a poorly produced local rag?? I think not. Next question please.

    * Who did you vote for in the NC election?

 Not CB.

    * What division are you in?

Would you like to know my genital size too?? Please, they call it anonymity for a reason my friend. Shall I narrow the search down to league position too?? ;)

    * How long have you been playing TM?

 Long enough to be considered a veteran of the game. Take from that what you will.

    * Would you ever put your money where your mouth is and run for the NC job yourself?

Absolutely. I have 100% faith in my own ability and I believe I have the tools required to be a huge success on national level. And who knows, maybe I already have been a huge success...

    * You’ve sworn me to secrecy on the blood of my children, but when will you reveal your identity to the masses…?

In time Mr Cojones, in time. When I have said all that there is to be said, I shall let the people know my true identity. For now I’m happy enough to let them guess, to let them accuse people in the wrong (my apologies to Na Fianna for being dragged through the mud already) and I’m happy to simply remain in the shadows. I am a well known figure in the TM world... but it will take a very clever man to guess my identity. Any takers?? ;)

Cheers mate!